Tribute to The Season of Summer

Can you feel that?
Yea, that's summer. I love it.

Officially the season begins on June 21st but you can feel its right there in front of you so reach out and grab it.



So what are the signs?
May sweeps have come and gone and with it all of your favorite shows. Denny's gone (I'm bawling still), Kyle Mclaughlin is running rampant trying to kill people with his car (I don't think we should let him out anymore), those O.C. kids are graduating but not before one of them dies, the Hanso Foundation is coming to make your world a better place, and we finally know who our American Idol is (Did you catch the McPheever or were you on Soul Patrol?). Now you can look forward to "Making the Band 3" and "The Hills". Good times.

You've noticed how Old Navy has switched from their jazzy swinging commercials for fleece jackets and hats to their jazzy swinging commercials for plaid shorts.

Starbucks has started their annual competition with themselves for most random combo of flavors to go into a coffee drink. This year they've gone bananas for bananas giving us the Banana Caramel Frap, the Banana Mocha Frap, the Banana & Creme Frap, the Banana Coconut Frap and in the baked goods section the Banana Chocolate Chip Coffee Cake (Low-fat) and the Banana Cream Crunch Bar. Damn I wish I was a monkey.

There is this sudden need that surfaces from deep inside of you to watch Now and Then, Camp Nowhere, Caddyshack (when do you not feel a need to watch Caddyshack?), Pointbreak, Dirty Dancing, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Independence day, and/or Grease.

Huey Lewis and The News are releasing their ULTIMATE greatest hits album finally! (Actually that doesn't have much to do with the summer but for some reason it doesn't feel right that their greatest hits would come out in the winter)

When you walk into a store your body does a little spontaneous shiver because the air conditioning has been turned on. If your from Southern California the minute you walk out of a store you feel like a hair dryer is being blown in your face thanks to the Santa Ana winds. Love it.

You find yourself in a pickle having to decided what movie will be your first official blockbuster experience of the summer. Will it be MI:III Mission Impossible, the blockbuster where everyone hopes that this time, the mission really will be impossible? Posidion Adventure, the blockbuster that fails miserably at the box office? The DiVinci Code, the blockbuster with Ian McKellen that is protested by The National Organization for Albinism and Hypopigmentation? X-Men, the other blockbuster with Ian McKellen? (You cannot go wrong with that guy). The Break Up, the "romantic blockbuster" aka Jennifer Aniston's answer to Brad Pitt calling her out with Mr. And Mrs. Smith? (Right on Jen, I say always go with the funny ones not ones that name their little girl Shiloh Nouvel aka Messiah...we think a little highly of ourselves don't we)

You are starting to get a tan...but its only on part of your left arm and shoulder from driving.

Your parents WONT STOP cooking ribs every night for dinner out on the new charcoal barbecue that changed their lives...Oh wait, that's just my life (P.S. you will eat 25 pigs in your lifetime).


You watched the Notebook and now you are longing for that summer fling.

Everyday has become a flip-flop day, not just a, "oh I'll pretend its a flip flop day even though its January and there is two inches of water one the ground," day.

You are trying to figure out how to convince Jim and Cindy to let you go on a "surf trip" down to Mexico with Dylan, while your brother Brandon, the responsible one, works at the Peach Pit all summer. They love him so much more, its totally unfair. Oh and Kelly is totally after Dylan too.. Bitch.

YES I LOVE IT ALL.

So here is to summer, the time of the eight-year-old entrepreneur and their lemonade stand/car wash.

(Just ask these kids. They did so well that the local businesses called the cops to shut them down. No joke.)

The time of turning off the TV because everything is repeats or Making The Band 3... quality.

The time of Camping and Barbecues (no ribs for me thanks.)


The time of chalk drawings all over the pavement.


K that's a little intense I was think more along these lines:


The time of putting into action crazy ideas/plans with your friends and siblings and hoping that the neighbors and your parents don't know what you're really up to.

The time of the Sandlot (Do you have your PF Flyers on?)


The time of year when you finally decide to tell your crush that you like them but you actually never do.


The time when you and Zack and the gang all get summer jobs working at Mr. Karosie's beach country club.


The time of sleep overs in tree houses.

The time of trying not to burn your hand off as you light 23 of your illegal big bomb rocket fireworks from Mexico all at once, just to see what will happen.


The time of testing the laws of gravity combined with your aerial jump abilities while hoping you don't drive your skull into the pavement.



The time of hangin' out around a campfire, maybe roasting some mallows and sticking them on a graham with some chocolate.

(Or maybe just keeping that sweet ass warm.)

The time of Smashball, the most frustrating game in the world.


The time when Beer Pong and Ice Cream Socials just go together.


The time of making pacts.

The time when you realize that you want to get the ol' bear paws around the man who invented air conditioning just so you can give him a hug and a high five in appreciation.

The time of building pillow forts.


The time of big stick popsicles, watermelon, and windows rolled down.

The time when you start sweating because you are standing still.

The time when you feel like everyone is friends with each other.



Here is to the most nostalgic, "just livin' the dream" time of year.
Lets make it another good, life-changing one.

*If you are living in San Francisco none of these probably apply. Or they do apply but only for about two weeks out of your entire year, and certainly not during the summer months. Look forward to October.

Mason Jar Tip of the day:
I found this "slick tequila trick" on MrLucky.com. Personally I would say its a Masterful Mason Jar Method. Anyway here is the tip. Put fresh strawberries or peaches into a mason jar and fill to the top with tequila. A spoonful of sugar or so wouldn't hurt. Let stand for a week or so, agitating every now and then. You are then gifted with a delightful after dinner drink. Yum.

"The next time I have to come in here, I'm crackin' skulls."

Paul Gleason 1944-2006
"Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns."

Rockin' It with WD-40

I went camping with my step-father's nursery school about a year ago around this time. We take approximately 100 people camping up in Santa Barbara.. Its a whole ordeal, but its great. Anyway, we have camping chairs that we bring to set up around the campfire. One in particular is a rocking chair:



Now the last day we were there, while packing, I attempted to fold up this rocking chair. You should be able to just lift it by its little cloth arms and it will fold right up, like this:



Well the chair had different plans. I sat there for 45 minutes trying to get this thing to close...and nothing. I pounded it with a hammer, I stomped on it, I talked to it very nicely trying to coax it into closing. Teeter-tottering back and forth the chair gleefully continued to taunt me. I took a screwdriver to it in an attempt to dismantle the rocker. NO SCREWS. The whole thing was so tough on me, so frustrating, that finally I said, "Screw this Tim (my step-father), I'm throwing it out.. The thing obviously has no respect for me and I have no respect for it. I'll call Coleman (not Gary--the camping company) and ask them to give me a new one." So the chair was left next to the dumpster, and I was left pissed and defeated.

I called the next day to inquire about a replacement rocker and you know what they said? "Oh yea, we cant replace it because we don't make them anymore. People had so many problems we realized they were defective and stopped producing them."

that's right, DEFECTIVE.

"Well can you send me a different camping chair as a replacement?"

"No. No we Cant."

FINE.


So I am joyously camping with my family and friends this weekend at the same place in Santa Barbara, my mind is carefree while watching the grey whales swimming and the dolphins playing and the children frolicking on the beach and baby Nathan spitting up his food... Its great. And then I look to my right where all the chairs are assembled around the campfire pit.

THERE IT IS.

Positioned right between Donna's maroon love seat and the blue fold out chair with the removable foot rest.

THERE IT IS.

The Green Coleman Rocking chair that haunts my camping dreams. The one not-so-inanimate object on this planet that tortures me. No, not possible. I have to be imagining it. "Robynn," I say, "do you see the green rocking chair over there?"
"Yea, what about it?"
"Nothing, I just wanted to know if you see it too."
"Laura you are so odd."
"Yes, I know."

So I'm not imagining it. Well it has to be someone else's. I ask around. Nope not mine, no not mine. No NO NO! IT CANT BE. "Mom who's chair is that?" "Oh my god," she says, "you are not going to believe this story. Go talk to our camp hosts, Anna and Al."

Very quickly, I know everyone may not know what a camp host is. When one goes camping it often happens that one needs a little guidance. Or perhaps some quarters for the showers. Or some firewood. Or maybe just a good conversation. This is what your camp host is for. Usually a retiree due to the fact that the position is a volunteer job, your camp host will be living in a camper or RV, many times marked with small statues or gnomes outside that signify that they are set up here for a solid block of time:



You will also see the familiar marker of the large firewood barn-shed:



If your host is not in when you go to call on them, they are probably out cruising the grounds in their spiffy golf cart/club car:



Alright now that the camp host position has been properly explained, Back to the story. So I go to talk to Anna and Al. After quite the ring-around-the-rosy with several other camp hosts (that's right, there can be more than one) I find Al sitting outside of his camper with his official camp host hat on and camp host patch on his arm (Al is obviously proud to be a camp host). The first thing I notice, Al's camper is a:

"THOR:

America's best value."



Amazing. Do you have Vincent D'Onofrio in there?


"Al" I say (I actually don't know Al but he's the kind of person you see and you feel like you are already on a first name basis with even if you aren't supposed to know his name yet), I'm camping with Tim and I hear there is a story about the green rocking chair." "Oh yea, he says. "Well ya know last year you guys left a rocking chair next to the dumpster at the group campsite (Yes believe me I know). Well Ben the trash guy/maitenance host picked it up and sold it to me for five bucks (how entrepreneurial of Ben). Well then I saw the name on the back 'Tim C' and I said 'Anna,' that's my wife, 'Anna,that's the guy with the school.' So I just sprayed a little WD-40 on it and it closed right up (DAMN IT. WD-40. That was all it took... I felt foolish). So we decided we'd just keep it 'til we saw ya again... took it up to Seattle with us. Rocked it up there (Al has a sense of humor). Then we saw your name on the check-in list today and we said, 'well, better give them back their chair.'"

WOW.

In awe of the man who solved one of the few true conflicts in my life, I said, "hey Al, can I take a picture with you because you just changed my life. You and WD-40." Al's response: "Sure.. I change a lot of lives (UNBELIEVABLE). I think I'm gonna start chargin' for these photo shoots I do. Hey Anna, show her the picture with the UCLA girls."



Aside from my gorgeous camping hair, do you notice that picture of the fifty states above us with most of them colored in? Well I did too and with my genius non WD-40 logic I asked, "are those all of the places you've been?" Yup says Al. "We're heading to the Carolinas next. But not Florida."
"Why not Florida?"
"I don't think there is anything there for me."
"Why?"
"I just know. I can sense it." (Oh okay).
I'm not going to North Dakota either."
"Why not?"
"Because its North Dakota." (Oh right).
"Well thanks for the photo shoot and the chair. Can I get a high five?" "Yup."
"Sweet."
After a good, solid high-five I turn to leave and Al says, "oh here let me give you my business card":



"Oh and don't forget to bring your WD-40 next time you're here."

Glorious.

Why did this change my life? Because the whole thing is a breathing, living example of the synergy of the world. Anna and Al get it. When you meet people who get it, you just feel their flow and your life changes. And they taught me that a little WD-40 saves a lot of frustration. It was actually a double-life changer. I've got Anna and Al changing my life and then WD-40 pickin' up where they left off. You know I went right out to OSH (Orchard Hardware Supply) and bought some the moment I got home. I've got some in my back pocket right now. (Well not really its in my truck).

So here is to Anna and Al, on the road again, just livin the dream, and connecting the world one rocking chair at a time. Al my friend their is a painting with your name on it in the mail soon



(Yes that is a cup-holding hand on his chair)

Mason Jar tip of the day:
If you get an MJ and stick a recipe and some ingredients in it (example: chocolate chip cookie recipe and chocolate chips) with a wooden mixing spoon, maybe some measuring spoons and perhaps a spatula, it makes a wonderful gift for the baker in your family or circle of friends. Especially because,unbeknownst to many, the Mason Jar actually can be used as a measuring cup. You will find cups, ounces, and millileters imprintedd on the side. Incredible.

Can I get that with the crusts cut off?

I hate crusts. And they are everywhere. Yes, you have your basic, obvious, crusts...Pizza crust, bread crust, pie crust, etc. But if you take a look around, there are crusts everywhere... Hamburgers, Pancakes, Waffles, Quesadillas...They're taking over. Its very subtle.

This topic came up recently when my friend Lisa and I were talking about how funny her younger brother Matt is. Her story began with an experience at her dinner table when, to break an awkward silence, Matt blurted out, "I hate crusts. I hate them on everything. Sandwiches, Pizza, everything." Well that is as far as Lisa's story got because I shouted out (the shouting came into play due to the red wine I had been drinking) "Oh my god I hate crusts TOO!!!!" Because lets face it, I really do.

Now there are some great crusts in the world. There is the earth's crust (that pretty much allows us to live so I'm not really going to denounce it). In forest fires according to my friends at Wikipedia, crust is something that covers trees to slow the fire. There was a band in the 90's called Crust. Crust is also a type of slang word used to describe something that the speaker disapproves of. For instance, if you were to say "Dude, Mason Jars? What the hell are they good for? Not so cool Laura." I would say "Crust!"

However, this is where the good crusts... end.

Lets take a look at Pizza Hut for a minute. This is a company that somehow not only managed to combined Jessica Simpson and the Muppets for the greatest marketing ploy of the 21st century if your goal is to reel in the tween and marionette-puppet pizza-eating contigent, but also tried turning their crusts into non-crusts by sticking cheese into them and making them easily detachable from their pizza (a.k.a. these bites are made for popping). That's not how it works guys. Plus it only further proves my point that there is a large group of us out there who don't like crusts, so much so that Pizza Hut feels a need to resort to cheap tricks to try and get us to eat our crusts. Thanks Kermit, but I'm not interested.



Let me address something else. There is the myth that eating crust will make your hair curly so if you want curly hair eat your crusts. Um how about no. I have very curly hair (and P.S. its great but overrated) and I don't eat my crusts. That's something your mom made up. No the heels of the loaf of bread (the part that I fear most.. I mean really why are they called heels?) aren't lucky, your cheeks don't get rosier from eating you crust, and you can still learn to whistle if you only eat the "inside" of your sandwich.

So how does one go about eating things with crusts? Pizza crust is pretty easily avoidable. You get to the end of the cheese and stop. However, it can be a little dicey sometimes knowing where to stop. The cheese will bleed over into the crust. Only you can choose how far you want to push that line.

Sandwiches...Well you can either go for the diagonal cut which allows the maximum amount of eatable sandwich with the crust still on or you can go sans-crust and cut it all off. Some people might feel this makes them stand out in a crowd. Really though I think a good third of the people around you are saying "wow I wish I had the balls to cut off my crusts too."

If you do choose to go crustless, thankfully the ultimate tool has been created. They (those geniuses who also understand crust is just not an option) have made these:



Keep an eye peeled, they're coming to a grocery store near you.
Or probably an Urban Outfitters. They sell random stuff in there.


When it comes to hamburgers, yes, I could cut it in half, but it just doesn't taste quite right. So I have to find the least intimidating crust area on the burger and begin there. It is a sacrifice, but its a sacrifice I am willing to make for a good cheeseburger. (BTW In-n-Out, #2, ketchup and spread only, Amazing. Or if you are a little hungrier go with the Double-Double, ketchup and spread only. And then get a side of spread and mix a packet of ketchup in it for your fries.)

Pancakes you can usually just cut right into the center of and avoid the whole crust debacle. Waffles are similar.

If you are lucky, you have the anti-anti-cruster in your household as well. Although you may not see eye to eye with this person the anti-anti-cruster is good for taking care of your crusts if you can get past your initial crust conflict with them. My step-father is in fact quite a fan of crust, so much so that he will go out of his way to make a sandwich with both heels from a loaf of bread. That is taking one for the team.. The Anti-Crust Team.

All I'm saying is if you are a fellow anti-cruster, I feel you, its tough. Just know you aren't alone, we are out there. We should probably start a Myspace group or something.




("The Muppets bring a wink and a smile to [our pizza campaign]," said Tom James, chief marketing officer for Pizza Hut. "It's pizza after all ... It's about fun and enjoyment.")



BTW shout out to Phred who's life was also recently changed by Mason Jars.



Mason Jar Tip of the day: If you get a half gallon or gallon size Mason Jar, it makes a very nice fish bowl.